TO GOD BE ALL THE GLORY!

A few months ago, I wrote a blog about God giving us the desires of our hearts.  Sometimes, God gives us something that we want, a blessing, just because He loves us and He likes to see us happy.

However, we need to be reminded that it is not about us.  Sometimes He chooses not to give us our desires…maybe for our good, maybe for a bigger plan, maybe because things just happen.  Well, this has been a month where my desires have taken back seat to God’s bigger plan…as they should.

BUT GOD IS GOOD…AND TO HIM BE ALL THE GLORY!!!

Before our group home opened last fall, Daryl tried to prepare me by reminding me that there was a good chance that eventually we would experience death in our home, since we would be taking in special needs and medically fragile children.  Little did we know that we would experience that two times in the first 10 months that our home was open.  Just 6 months to the day that we lost our sweet little Esperanza, our 14 year old Thania went home to Jesus.  She had always been medically fragile, but her death was sudden and unexpected.  She went from a simple cold to respiratory distress faster than I have ever seen.  She was laid in the arms of Jesus on her way to the hospital on Sunday, July 6^th.

This was certainly NOT our desire, but it WAS God’s plan. 

AND GOD IS GOOD…TO HIM BE ALL THE GLORY!!!

Then just a few days later, we experienced another very difficult and traumatic time in our home/family.  It has left us with some challenges and some decisions to make.

I certainly did not plan or ask for that to happen, but it did.

 

AND GOD IS GOOD…TO HIM BE ALL THE GLORY!!!

Then the following day, Yenifer (one of the girls in our group home) started having grand mal seizures…16 seizures in two days.  We were never able to confirm the cause of the seizures, but they were scary for Yeni, us, and the other children in the home…especially at the end of such a traumatic week for us all.

Again…not in the plan…not the way I wanted to end the week.

BUT GOD IS GOOD…AND TO HIM BE ALL THE GLORY!!!

I often don’t understand why God does things the way He does.  If He is all-powerful (which He is), and if He loves us (which He does), then why doesn’t He always give us the desires of our heart?  Why do bad things happen to us?  Why is our family struggling with hurt and pain and tears?  I don’t understand, but the nice thing is…I don’t have to understand.  It doesn’t matter if I understand or not.  The fact is:  It’s not about me and my comfort.  It’s all about God.   He is in control.  He is the author, the illustrator, and the star—really the only important character.  What happens to me and my family on this earth is very, very insignificant next to God’s ultimate plan.  Yes, He loves us.  And, yes, He enjoys giving us the desires of our heart.  But our desires should, and do, take back seat to His ultimate plan.

GOD IS SO GOOD!...THEREFORE, TO HIM BE ALL THE GLORY!!!

Our Changing Nest

Many of my friends and family are experiencing the empty nest.  Well, at 47 years of age, Daryl and I are no where close!    As some of our older children are leaving the nest, other younger children are joining the nest.  At this point in our lives, our children (biological, adopted, and living in our group home) range from 2 years to 24 years of age.  And the empty nest is no where in sight!  I’m not complaining…just stating a fact.

But as the older daughters are moving on, I am reminded again that the children that God puts in our nest are not really ours.  They all belong to our Heavenly Father and He allows us to take care of them for the time that He determines.  Some are with us in our home for only a few short months; others for only a few years; and others for 20+ years.  They are all His children, given to us for a time to love, nurture, teach…and send on to where He calls. 

A brief update on those who have left the nest or are getting ready to leave:

Brittney is presently in the Ohio, having just finished her student teaching for her elementary ed/special ed degree.  She has worked hard over the years and is now reaching her goal.  We have missed her greatly over these recent months and are very anxious to have her return to Guatemala in just a few weeks.  She will live with us and help in our group home for a couple of months and then she will be moving to San Pablo La Laguna (about 3 hours drive from here), where she will be starting her ministry with special needs children and their families.  This is a very poor community, and they do not speak Spanish.  Brittney will have to learn yet another language (Tz'utujil) and a very new life style.  But she is so excited to follow God’s call there.  Please pray for her—for direction in ministry, friends at her new home, peace, provision, and God’s power to carry her through.  Please see Brittney’s blog, Reason to Sing, in my blog list to the right, to follow her ministry.

Ashley is still living in Ohio with her husband Dustin and their

 son,Tristan.  Ashley is working at Advance America and Dustin is working his way up the chain at ConAgra.  Tristan will be three years old this July and is working at keeping his parents busy!  Prayers for their family would be appreciated.

Krishauna is working hard to finish her classes up in 2014, so she can return to the States for a few months early next year to complete her student teaching.  She too is working toward an elementary ed/special ed degree.  However, in the mean time, she is taking a one-month trip to Ohio in July to complete some testing that is required for her schooling.  She is also helping out here in our home when she is not studying.  Please pray for Krishauna in her final leg of her education and pray that God will guide her to His perfect plan for her future ministry here in Guatemala.  Krishauna’s blog, entitled Unpredictable, is to the right as well.

Teisha has had a year of change.  She and Wes, her fiancé, are living in Ohio.  Any day now she will be giving birth to a little girl.  Her name is Allison Marie.  We would appreciate your prayers for guidance and direction.

Carissa is doing a wonderful job as co-director of Hogar de la Esperanza.  This position has given her some valuable experience and training as she prepares for her ministry in Uganda.  But now her time here is almost over.  She is planning to fly to the States in July to begin a time of speaking and fund-raising for her next big step in life—moving to Uganda to start her own ministry to orphan girls with special needs.  She is very excited to move toward this great call of God.  We are going to miss her immensely here at Hogar de la Esperanza, but Uganda is going to gain a wonderful young lady.  I’m sure she would appreciate any contacts that you can make for her to be able to speak to your church, small group, etc.   Please pray for Carissa—for direction and wisdom as she makes decisions for her future, for speaking engagements in the States, for provision of finances for her move and ministry start-up costs.  You can follow Carissa’s ministry by reading her blog, Less of me; More of You, in my blog list to the right.

The rest of my “little" ones will be staying in the nest for a least a couple more years. (Although, I have a feeling that those years will pass all too quickly.)

Thank You, Father, for Brittney, Ashley, Krishauna, Teisha, and Carissa!  Please help each one of them to know and love You from the bottom of their hearts.

Thank You, Lord, for Taryn, Jeremiah, Joshua, Kimberly, and Jonathan!  As they grow and mature, please help them to follow you with every ounce of their being.

Thank You, God, for Thania, Alejandra, Yenifer, Brayan, Rafael, Angelita, Christian, Esther, and Racquel.  Help them to know and love You to the best of their abilities.

And thank You again, Father, for the beautiful and precious life that you gave to Your little Esperanza, and all that you taught us through her.  Thank You again for holding her in Your perfect arms.

Thank You, Father, for the incredible nest You have given us!  And thank You for the changes that You are making to our nest…even though some of those changes are difficult!

Clinging

I really enjoy just sitting back and watching our twins, Esther and Racquel.  They are 2 ½ years old and they are absolutely adorable!

The thing about them that fascinates me is how they cling to each other.  They are almost always together.  If you find one of them, you find both of them.  They look to each other to decide how to respond.  When I ask Esther if she wants to play with a certain toy, she looks at Racquel to see her sister’s reaction before giving her own answer.  When I give a new food to Racquel, she tends to looks at Esther to see how she is going to respond before deciding whether or not to graciously except the food.  Often they walk around holding hands.  I’ve even seen on a couple of occasions, where one of them stumbles and falls;  and instead of letting go of her sister’s hand, the second one falls right beside or on top of her.  Sure sometimes they fight and tell on each other.  But even then, there have been many times that they are holding hands while hitting each other with their free hand.

I am told that this is very typical of twins.  And these girls have had their world turned up-side-down, probably a few times, as they are moved from family to an orphanage to our group home.  I’m sure it is nice for them to always have each other there, someone to whom they can cling.

One day as I was watching these two little sweethearts walking and playing arm-in-arm, I started thinking about my relationship with Jesus.  Do I cling to Him the way I should?  Do I stay by His side at all cost?  Do I look to Him to see His reaction before I act?  Do I keep holding His hand no matter what happens? 

I am sorry to say that I fail at this many times.  I tend to walk solo.  I respond to people and circumstances without first looking at Jesus’ face to see what He thinks.  I tend to wander away from His side.  I stay in the same room so I can still see Him, but not close enough to His side to feel His every move.  Why do I do this?  I don’t know.  But I suffer for it every time I do it.  Fortunately, God knows that I love Him and have a sincere desire to follow Him.  So when I stumble, Jesus keeps holding my hand and helps me back up.  Thank You so much, Father.  And please help me to remember that it is easier to stay by Your side than to go solo.

 

My goal for today:  Cling to Jesus closer and tighter than I did yesterday.

It's Not About Me

Life is a story.  It is the only important story.  It is the ultimate autobiography.  It is God’s story written by God, Himself.  We humans, on the other hand, tend to think that life is about us.  We tend to ask God to bless us, to comfort us, to give to us, to heal us, to give us an easy and comfortable and happy life.  When did God start owing us?  When did we become the main characters?  When did life become about us instead of God?  There are so many books, feel-good quotes, facebook statuses, etc. that focus on what God should do for us, instead of what we should do for God.  When did the story change? 

However, I do believe that at times, in the midst of God’s story, He chooses to bless us with something that we want.  He chooses to give us the desires of our hearts…not because we deserve it, not because He owes it to us, not because we are the center of the story, but because He loves us and wants to bless us.  And He wants to use that blessing to improve His story.  Giving us the desires of our hearts is not His ultimate goal.  It is just something that He likes to do sometimes while working toward His goal of bringing glory to Himself.

Well, God has blessed me richly, in order to make His story better.  As long as I can remember, I have loved children.  We have five biological children and five adopted children.  We have also had 21 additional foster children come and go over the years.  Now, with the opening of our group home in Guatemala, we have taken in 10 more children.  (I recognize that would not be blessing for many people, but for me, it is.) 

If you know me very well, you probably know that one of my greatest joys is to have a baby in my arms.  Also, if you have been around me very long, you have probably heard me say, “Why does everybody get twins, except me?!  Babies and twins, two of my longings. 

Well, in God’s story, He needed to find a temporary home for a beautiful baby girl named Esperanza.   So He chose to bless us by giving her to us.  True, Esperanza was only with us for a short time, until He took Her home to be with Him.  (I think God just wanted her all for Himself.  J)  But I feel so blessed that He chose to give her to us for her short life on this earth.  We have another "baby" girl as well.  Her name is Angelita.  She is actually 7 1/2 years old, but the size of an 18 month old and the mental age of a baby.  She is so sweet to rock and cuddle.  Ahh!  Babies in my arms again!

Then, earlier this month, God needed to find a home for a beautiful set of 2 year old twin girls, Racquel and Esther.  And, again, He decided to bless us with the privilege of being their family.  It is so nice, to once again, have toddlers running around our house--giggling, dumpling toys, smearing food all over the high chair tray, hugging and kissing.  (Don't misunderstand me; there are difficult moments as well, but so worth it!)  I do not, in any way, believe that the twins were placed with us because God thinks I am awesome or that I somehow deserve this.  I do, however, believe that in His story, these little girls needed a family, and He knew that He would get the glory if He gave them to us.

Life is NOT about me; it is ALL ABOUT GOD!  But in His infinite wisdom and love, He chooses, at times, to give me the desires of my hearts, as they fit within His plan, His story.  And when that happens, I need to give Him all the glory and the praise.  But when my desires don’t fit within His plan, it is okay.  It’s not my story that matters.  God is the author, the illustrator, the publisher, and the main character.  I am just a supporting actress, as I should be, pointing to the Star.

So for now, I want to give God the praise and glory and thanks for giving me these babies and these adorable, little twins...in addition to the other wonderful 16 children with whom God has blessed me.  Thanks, God, for letting me be part of YOUR story!  It sure is a great adventure!

When all I can do is Worship...

Sometimes life is difficult.  We all have hard days.  We all have hard weeks.  And when it lasts a bit longer, we might go through a hard season in life.

I am finding myself in one of those seasons.  There is a lot of change/stress in my life right now…good change, but nevertheless, change.  I am having a lot of good-byes, as my children are becoming adults and moving on.  There are some conflicts in relationships.  I have suffered the loss of someone I loved dearly.  Combining these things together is adding up to a difficult season in life.

But I am reminded that hard seasons in life do have to be negative.  Actually, this time can be very good.  This time, when viewed with the right heart can be a blessing…even a great blessing.  It can draw me nearer to my Savior, my Lord.

When I can’t sleep at night because my head is swimming with thoughts…

When I can’t concentrate well enough to read my Bible…

When I can’t come up with any more words to pray…

When all I can do is listen to worship music and think about God…

     Then…I should listen to worship music and think about God!

It’s definitely NOT a bad place to be.

Worship brings healing.  It draws me nearer to God, which is where I need to be.  Worship helps me focus on Who is important.  Worship takes my mind off of this life and puts it on God.  It reminds me that life isn’t about me; it’s all about Him.  It’s His story, and I am just a small side character…a character who is in the story to give the Lead Character praise and glory.

So, in those moments when all I can do is worship…that is exactly what I need to do!  It is a good place to be.

"Desert Song" (by Hillsong)

This is my prayer in the desert

When all that's within me feels dry

This is my prayer in my hunger and need

My God is the God who provides

And this is my prayer in the fire

In weakness or trial or pain

There is a faith proved

Of more worth than gold

So refine me, Lord, through the flame

And I will bring praise

I will bring praise

No weapon formed against me shall remain

I will rejoice

I will declare

God is my victory and He is here

And this is my prayer in the battle

When triumph is still on its way

I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ

So firm on His promise I'll stand

All of my life

In every season

You are still God

I have a reason to sing

I have a reason to worship

And I will bring praise

I will bring praise

No weapon formed against me shall remain

I will rejoice

I will declare

God is my victory and He is here

This is my prayer in the harvest

When favor and providence flow

I know I'm filled to be emptied again

The seed I've received I will sow

"Blessed Be Your Name" (by Matt Redman)

Blessed Be Your Name

In the land that is plentiful 

Where Your streams of abundance flow

Blessed be Your name

Blessed Be Your name

When I'm found in the desert place

Though I walk through the wilderness

Blessed Be Your name

Every blessing You pour out 

I'll turn back to praise

When the darkness closes in, Lord

Still I will say

Blessed be the name of the Lord

Blessed be Your name

Blessed be the name of the Lord

Blessed be Your glorious name

Blessed be Your name

On the road marked with suffering 

Though there's pain in the offering 

Blessed be Your name

Every blessing You pour out 

I'll turn back to praise

When the darkness closes in, Lord

Still I will say

Blessed be the name of the Lord

Blessed be Your name

Blessed be the name of the Lord

Blessed be Your glorious name

You give and take away

You give and take away

My heart will choose to say

                      Lord, blessed be Your name

Love Until it Hurts!

Our family from October to January

From 1992 to 2004, Daryl and I were foster parents in Ohio.  During those years, we took 23 foster children into our home.  They ranged from 2 weeks old to 16 years old.  Some of them stayed with us for as long as 2-3 ½ years, before going back home or going to live with family members, or in 2 cases, being adopted.  During those years, we were told quite a few times by well-meaning friends, “I’m glad that you can do that.  I could never do that because I would love them too much.  It would hurt too badly when they leave.”  Well…that is exactly the kind of love that they need and deserve.  The kind of love that hurts you when they leave.  The kind of love that breaks your heart when they have to say good-bye.  If you don’t love enough that it hurts deeply, then you don’t love enough.

We experienced that hurt many times over those years.  But we kept loving…and they kept leaving…we kept hurting...and we kept loving again.  That is how we knew that we were loving like we should. 

Well, now we are experiencing hurt again.  Only this time it is not because a foster child moved on to another home.  It is because a beautiful baby girl that had no other earthly home moved on to her Heavenly home. 

Esperanza with her favorite dog, Bubbles

We first met Esperanza (Spanish word for Hope) on September 13, 2013.   We were told that her mother abandoned her at birth, and that she was found in the trash.  They said that she had special needs, that she had Cloverhead, and her hands and feet were deformed.  We were so unprepared for what we would find lying in that hospital crib.  We were introduced to a nameless, 7 lb, 4 month old baby girl.  Her enlarged head was literally the shape of a clover, and of her tiny 7 pound body, we believe that 4 of those pounds were her head.  Her body was skin-and-bones.  She had no eyes.  Her outer ears were mis-shapen, mis-placed, and no hole leading into an inner ear.  Her knees and elbows were locked at a 90 degree angle.  Most of her fingers had no joints.  We later found out that her inside organs were flipped.  We knew immediately that she did not have long to live.  This sweet, sweet baby had so many strikes against her that we were overwhelmed with the thought of caring for her.  In those first few hours (and days), two questions kept going through my head.   How can we adequately care for this little girl?  And...How am I falling in love with her so quickly?

That first day, Brittney (our oldest daughter) said, “We get the privilege of carrying her to the arms of Jesus!”  And, oh, what a privilege that has been!  What an honor!  Why did God choose us to be the family for this very special possession of His?  I like to think it is because He knew that we would love her until it hurts.  He knew that we had a big, loving family and several loving nannies in our home…lots of people to love and love and love on this beautiful gift of God…that we would love her so much that it would hurt like crazy when she would leave.  Because that is the kind of love that she needed and deserved.

This past Sunday night, Carissa had “Esperanza duty”…night duty to

Daddy's "Little Clover Angel"

feed, change, care for Esperanza and any other of the children who wake up.  At 4:30 in the morning, I awoke and saw that the living room light was on, so I went out to check on Carissa and Esperanza…knowing that our sweet little one had not been doing well the last few days.  I found them both wide awake sitting in the rocker/recliner.  Carissa told me that she had not even tried to go to sleep yet.  She said, “I am worried about Esperanza.  And I don’t know how many more nights she has with us, so I just wanted to stay awake and hold her.”  Little did she know what a special gift and blessing that was to Esperanza, to us, and to herself.  That was Esperanza’s last night to be with us in this life.  The next morning, while Krishauna was feeding our little angel her last bottle, Esperanzita (as we so lovingly called her) talked and cooed to Krishauna in such a sweet way.  At the end of her bottle, Krishauna brought her to me in the office, and I held her while working on my computer.  Again, our precious little girl talked and cooed to Daryl and me.  She sounded so happy and content.  After a while, I  put her down in her baby seat to finish her nap.  And she finished her nap quite well.  During her sleep, she slipped away to her eternal and perfect home.

Doing back exercises with Kristin and Kimmie

What a joy!  What a privilege!  What an honor it was…to carry her to the arms of Jesus!

But does it hurt?  Terribly!  Are our hearts broken?  Yes!  Do we cry over and over?  Yes we do! Does that mean we loved her too much?  Not at all!  That means we loved her just like God asked us to.  (I believe I remember God saying something about caring for the orphans…)  Just like she deserved.  Just like she needed.  Just like EVERY child deserves and needs.  Would I do it again, knowing everything that I know now?  Knowing the hurt that we would have to endure?  Of course I would!  I wouldn’t give up these last 4 months for anything! 

God loves until it hurts.  And we are called to love others until it hurts.

  

 Psalm 139:13-18

New International Version (NIV)

^"For you created my inmost being;

    you knit me together in my mother’s womb.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

    your works are wonderful,

    I know that full well.

My frame was not hidden from you

    when I was made in the secret place,

    when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.

Your eyes saw my unformed body;

    all the days ordained for me were written in your book

    before one of them came to be.

How precious to me are your thoughts, God!

    How vast is the sum of them!

Were I to count them,

    they would outnumber the grains of sand;

    when I awake, I am still with you."

We miss you, Esperanza!

And we love you so much 

that it hurts...deeply!

But we are so happy for you...

that you are now in the 

arms of Jesus!